My mom circa 1970.

We’ve all had those moments where we’ve turned off our filter and said a bunch of cruel things we didn’t mean.  I call it verbal diarrhea.  It happens a lot with family!  At least it did with mine.  A  fair amount of my early years was spent spewing a lot of ugly stuff I didn’t mean to my family, my mother in particular.  I didn’t know how to handle it when expectations, in which I had a lot of emotional investment, weren’t met.  Once something is said, it’s impossible to unsay it.  Mean words have the power to harm.  In my previous blog, I talked about how powerful your thoughts are and how worthy they are of your attention and guidance.  Just as worthy are your words.  Words hold the power to communicate, to unite, or to divide.  The more aware I am of my thoughts, the more conscious I am of what I say and when I say it. 

Mom around 2014

I remember my mother telling us ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything’.  I still feel this is sound advice!  If your words don’t come from a place of love, they probably shouldn’t be said.  If your words add fuel to a fire you don’t want, stop adding oxygen by spewing hurtful words.  It goes back to controlling your thoughts, which precipitate your words, and your emotions, regardless of what is happening outside yourself.  If it is harder for you to think of something kind to say than it is for you to say something sarcastic, say nothing at all until you have your thoughts and emotions in check.  When you say something kind it contributes to a higher vibration and elevates your spirit.  The opposite is also true.

I had an ‘aha’ moment a couple of years ago.  It was the night of the 2016 presidential elections.  Since I first knew who Trump was in the mid ’80s, I have never been a fan of his personality or his integrity, politics completely aside.  It had been an extremely emotional lead up to that election because my mother was dying of cancer and my husband, Eric, and I were taking care of her in our home.  She went into a coma that Monday before the election and Tuesday afternoon was taken to a hospice center.  She crossed over just before 2 am, about an hour before Hillary Clinton’s concession speech.  I had just been on the roller coaster ride of my personal life and I realized that I had invested way too much emotional energy into the output of that election.  I made a decision that evening/morning.  I was adding fuel to the fire every time I ranted, raved, got so upset, or said nasty things about circumstances that were beyond my control.  I trust in the universe to guide my personal life so why would I not have trust that the big picture is unfolding just as it should be as well?  

Mom at Jax Beach around 1973.

I decided not to voice my opinions about this president (the tweets though ?) or politics in general.  I did this because I knew I didn’t have nice things to say and I didn’t want to be a part of the very thing that drove me nuts about both parties, the mean spirit.  I have also worked very hard at detaching myself emotionally from all the insanity in the world.  I limit my news intake, watch only inspiring movies and TV, read uplifting books, hang out with people who bring me joy, move my body, and connect with mother earth.  I do this for myself because I feel it’s my path to do so.  This is not meant to make anyone feel bad nor do I pass judgment.  I enjoy reading posts I agree with, I’m human.  I’m simply saying that this is my small contribution to stopping the idiotic vitriol from BOTH SIDES.  I’m tired of it.  I am officially of the non-partisan party.  Ok, rant aside.

I will say that this has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, to let go of the anger from not having my preferences met.  However, I am a work in progress and I’m beginning to realize that there isn’t a finish line.  It really is all about the journey; how much you’ve learned and how much fun you’ve had on the trip!  If you let go of what you think should happen, a whole world of unexpected possibilities opens up! And from my experience, the stuff you didn’t expect is way better than the stuff you thought you wanted.  (See my ‘Let it go, let it flow’ entry from February)

So here’s the challenge:  Be mindful of your words.  Speak from a place of love.  Simply follow Mahatma Gandhi’s advice: BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE!  Every day. No Matter What. Kindness is free…spread that shit everywhere! (saw that phrase somewhere…I love it!)


Heather aka Indigo Girl